I wouldn’t be surprised if they force the “Bombay Rockers” to change their name too. 

There would be hardly anyone who has been living in Mumbai and not come across the Shiv-Sainiks. Their fetish for their choice of language in Maharashtra is well known too. So much so that they can go to any extent to have their word.

Now, I can understand one’s love for his homeland, his state and his mother tongue. I myself am a Maharashtrian, and love my language. But you don’t see me publishing this blog in Marathi, do you ?

?????? ????

Sounds good ?

Some of the sainiks, however, have had a special fetish for the name “Mumbai“. They had the name of Bombay changed to Mumbai. Then “Bombay Central” was changed to “Mumbai Central”. And now, the sainiks are behind the immensely popular school, Bombay Scottish. Apparently, they want the school to change the name to Mumbai Scottish. 

If they have their way here too, although I so hope they don’t, let’s just take a look at what could be next in line.

• Bombay Stock Exchange
• Bombay Gymkhana
• Bombay Duck ( the fish )
• Bombay to Goa ( the movie )

My stay in Chennai is turning out to be one big lesson as to what kinda pricks and dumb fucks exist in this planet.

First it was the ChennaiCops. Then it was the stupid mansion owner.  Recently it was a stupid hotel cashier. Chalk up yet another dumb prick to that list courtesy yesterday night’s sequence of events.  As usual, after doing some last minute mail checking, I went to sleep at around 01:45. Barely half hour later, we had a power failure. No fans, 40 degree temperature, >90% humidity, sweat pouring down your head and neck, I was certainly NOT in the best of my mood. And then, bam! Some stupid prick prick starts playing music from his (presumably Walkman series, going by the loudness)phone AT FULL VOLUME,  at 02:30. I mean WTF? I gave him a bit of time, waited for couple of songs to get over, thinking he would stop playing it.

But noooo, he HAD to continue. I was controlling myself, counting to ten, trying not to get angry. But when that prick continued playing, I jsut lost my cool, and yelled at the top of my voice, “Abbe Idiot music player bandh kar!”, TWICE. Immediately, he shuts down the player. And then, 5 mins of silence. And then, he starts ranting like a madman. “Come to my room. Show your face. I’ll screw your ass! I’ll screw your happiness” <curses more in Tamil>. Starts playing the music again, at a Low volume for 30 seconds, stops it, and then starts barking “Show your face! Come to my Room, #308. Complain to the manager. This isnt your apartment”. He’s barking all this, I’m still going WTF, how retarded is this asshole.

And then he says this final piece of shit dialog which made me go 

[like a whining little kid]“I wanna listen to music”, “I wanna listen to music”

LISTEN YOU DUMB PRICK,IF YOU WANNA LISTEN TO MUSIC, DO IT AT MORNINGS OR EVENINGS, NOT WHEN THE ENTIRE WORLD IS SLEEPING, FAGGOT. YOU WANNA DO THAT DURING NIGHT TIME, USE A FUCKING EARPHONE.

IF you can’t afford that, here’s Fifty Paise. Go grab them earphones and stuff them in your ears.
RETARDS.

If you consider yourself a normal human being, let me ask you a question. If you saw some nice little plants planted at a public place, what would you do ? Well, apparently, the folks with the ugly red mouths who eat Gutkha all the time think that spitting on the plans is the best way.

The photo pictured above has taken just outside the Arrivals section of Terminal 1B of Mumbai’s domestic Airport. Recently, crores of rupees were spent on beautification of the airport and the waiting area just outside the exit was given special attention.

Such plants have been planted all over the area with small water fountains just next to them. But apparently, Indian people are sworn to life NOT to keep places clean.

As is clear from the photos above, people have covered the plants and saplings with the Gutkha spits. Even though there are a dozen dust-bins in the waiting area, the Gutkha packets have found the company of the plants.

I spoke to one of the sweepers present in the area, and the aayabai told me that the plants die due to lack of oxygen because of the stuff covering then leaves and have to be changed every month. “Hum paani toh daalte hain, saaf bhi karte hain. Par yeh log fir kharab karte hain“, she said, as she pointed out a person half-way into the act.

This is insane. How difficult is it to walk 5 steps ahead and use the dustbin instead ? Is it _that_ important to eat this shit at 7AM in the morning ?

So here’s fifty paise to everyone who chose to spit on the poor plants and everyone who continues to do so. You’ll need it when you are diagnosed with mouth cancer

The setting: Yesterday night/today early morning
The time: 2:00 AM
The Place: Cristal Guest House, Chennai, the guest house where I stay.

I was sleeping blissfully, having a good night’s sleep. Then all of a sudden, I hear a faint buzz. Thought that was just me dreaming. Then, BUZZ again. And then the door starts banging. I was half awake now, cursing the person who might be buzzing the room at this unearthly hour. I open the door, only for finds Cops staring at me :!: At this moment, I was still in a very dazed state, and then seeing cops banging the doors of other rooms I realize that this is no dream!
Here’s the talk I had with the Cop:

Cop: How many people in room?
Me: 2
Cop: Let me see (and then he peeks in)
Cop: What you doing here?
Me: Working in Chennai
Cop: Show id card
Me: Here(and shows him my 3i Infotech ID Card)
Cop: Ok oK
Me(tell my Roomie): Arre Adi, show him your id na(my roomie was too sleepy and had no idea what’s happening)
Cop: It’s ok
Then the Cop shifts his focus to other room
Me: Can we please go back to sleep now??
Cop: OK OK

I was like whaa…. with this whole incident!

So what was teh reason for this radi?

Few people had even suggested reasons: Drugs, porn, while my assumption was that it was because of hookers. Well I got the update from the Guest House manager, and nope. It wasn’t for drugs. Not for porn. Not for hookers. Not for piracy either.
The reason? THIS.
Apparently there was a tipoff that Mr. Modi would be killed and that his assassins were already in Chennai. Hence the “tight” security. So by launching raids at 2:00 AM at all possible guest houses, just few hours before Mr. Modi would land in Chennai, they could detect and find the assassins?

So, here’s 50 paise to the extremely “tight” and efficient security system of cops.

[This was a guest post by SathyaBh.at]

I’d been to Hotel Balaji Woodlands for dinner - I don’t go there often, but have been there enough number of times to know that they *do* accept Debit cards. Now it so happened that I didn’t have enough cash with me - I had only Rs 30. Wondering whether I should goto the hotel or not, I just decided to go there. I ordered Naan and Kaaju paneer(or, kaaju curry as that was what given to me, the paneer - well they decided to eat it themselves 8-|. I asked for the bill - it came upto Rs. 50. Fair enough I went to the cashier and gave him my debit card to charge it to that. The next set of events left me dumbfounded. Here’s the conversation

Me: (hands over bill and ATM card)

Hotel Guy(HG): (Shakes his head)

Me: What?

HG: Rs 50.. not enough

Me: I don’t have cash. Either you accept that or you give me this meal for free

HG: (puts my ATM card into the drawer)

Me: (Getting pissed) Hello, give me my ATM card back

Waiter: You go get cash, then I’ll give card

Me: Hello? How do you expect me to withdraw cash WITHOUT my ATM card?

HG: We don’t accept debit cards for small amount

Me: (Me with voice raised, and bit of temper) What kinda stupid Hotel do you run? The one which says We accept debit card, but then reject it for “small amounts”? Give my debit card back

(Now it begins to look like a scene - there are few foreigners in the hotel, and he obviously doesn’t want the incident to be heard to all)

Finally, he gives my ATM card and asks me to pay for the dinner tomorrow. I say fine

So here’s 50 paise to the hotel guy. I hope that amount is “big enough” to be charged to a debit card.

This was a guest post by SathyaBh.at

Would you pay someone any amount of money as breakage charges when you haven’t really broken anything ?

If you’re not filthy rich, or enjoying “apne bade baap ka kaala paisa“, you’d have answered that question as a firm “NO!“. Well, imagine paying Rs. 600 as breakage fees.

Yes, that’s the amount my college charges as Breakage fees per student. Our department itself has 128 students. That gives the college a collection of over Rs. 76,000. Our college has about 10 different streams and although I’m not too sure how much the charge would be, it would be about the same.

What’s worse is, we have no other option but to pay these charges as non-payment of the same and they withhold our result. And anyone can guess what the consequences for that can be.Man, my college is such as ASS indeed.

So here’s 50 paise to my college to add to their treasuries. Sorry, but that’s what they deserve to get.

In an incident that is exactly as weird as it sounds, Hyderabadi skies noticed a big fuck up of sorts as a pilot of KLM Airlines from Amsterdam refused to land at the newly constructed Shamshabad airport in Hyderabad. The pilot, who was totally unaware of the new airport, flew to the old Begumpet airport. Imagine the shock of his life, when he was told that the facility was no longer open. The ATC there redirected him to the new functional airport in Hyderabad, the Shamshabad airport.

The pilot had no idea what that was, and hence refused to land there. Post incident talks reveal that the pilot refused to land there because his company did not receive the Notam ( Notice to Airmen ), which, according to the airport sources, was sent to every airline in the world. The pilot then made the decision to fly the plane carrying 220 economy class and 13 business class passengers to Delhi. However, here, the pilot was refused permission to land.

The pilot finally made his way to Mumbai where the passengers were put up in city hotels by the KLM airline employees. We are not sure what happened to the passengers who wanted to fly back to Amsterdam.

So here’s 50 paise to the folks from the Airport Authorities, to hire a personal message delivery guy and another 50 paise to the KLM officials to get better thinking minds

News source: TOI dated 24th March, 2008

I recently wrote my final papers, for which we were made to sit in a classroom that had windows on 3 sides out of 4. Adding to the bad luck already, was the fact that the classroom was on the 1st floor and right next to a busy road.

Instead of hearing the clock running tick-tick-tick, all we, the students, could hear was… peeemp peemp - dhhrrrrr - peeemp - gutarrr guu - gutaarrr - dhrrrrr - peeemp . The college authorities refused to close the fucking windows too. I tried to silently shoo away the pigeons, but one pesky bastard flew away and invited 6-7 more pigeons to the party.

Grrrr…. why can’t we all silently live in peace ?

So here’s 50 paise to all the pigeons near my college. Go lay some shit at some open ground

But how fucked up exactly ?

I was just watching a news channel with my grandpa.. and there was this news Breaking News!!!!!!! that was currently ON AIR

Laloo Prasad Yadav, on a recent visit to Thane District’s Dombivili city stopped at a certain chai-tapri (tea-stall) to have a cutting [sic]. This channel made it into a news story with interview of the owner, and a repeat loop of Mr. Yadav sipping the tea.

WTF ?

• Ricky Ponting – (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of the FOURTH UMPIRE.
• While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.
• While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.
• UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge bonus and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.
• All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as RACIALISM only.
• MATCH REFREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFREES are to be given huge bonus if this rule is implemented.
• NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.
• THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - “THE UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGTIRY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET” more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/Captain will be played to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.

These rules will clarify better to all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA.

So here’s 50 paise to the two blunder umpires and to Mr. Pointing. I don’t need to state a reason here, do I ?

Thanks to Sathya for the forward.